Title: I can't go back in time.

I Can’t Go Back in Time

I know I can’t go back in time—

To the first time you smiled at me.

Countless smiles,

Enough to put me at peace,

Enough to quiet my distressed thoughts of living.

Then the edges came—

The news of your death

Shattered my peace,

Pushed life to the edge.

You left when you were just about to live,

At the age of two.

I miss you.

I know I can’t go back in time.

I found another star to fill your space—

Innocent, just like you,

No dramas, just fantasies.

I was at ease once again.

We smiled,

We stared at each other,

Cherished our silent chats.

But the memory of the Edges tragedy

Follows me—

And death strikes again,

Without warning,

Without goodbyes.

Six months, and you were gone.

I can’t go back in time.

I miss you.

They say anything in life can change—

But take me back

To the last time I saw Odos,

When I was questioning my orientation and gender.

Mbula, my vivid childhood friend,

Gone too soon.

Everywhere I go, tragedy follows.

The news of my grandpa,

Countless cousins, relatives…

Gone without saying goodbye.

I miss you all.

I wish we could go back.

How do I get over this one?

Albert—

Eighteen, full of life and fire,

Just about to celebrate adulthood—

When death jumps in

And blemishes the fun.

A phone call slides in:

He is stabbed, fighting for his life in a hospital.

And then—

He is gone.

Albert is gone.

I breathe,

Reality sets in.

No goodbyes.

El Niño tragedy hits again.

I miss you.

I know I can’t go back in time.

Still mourning Albert’s loss,

Death denies me access

To say goodbye—again.

Another wave,

Another unimaginable tragedy.

I keep thinking,

How does it all happen?

Is it a sequence?

Is death punishing me?

Roba, known as Mapesa—

Your sudden illness

Gave death an opportunity

To harvest your soul.

You like them young, death?

Leaving us empty every day,

Every night,

In a constant loneliness.

I miss you.

I can’t go back in time.

On the road to adulthood discoveries,

Death strikes a pause

In our lives.

On the road to recovery,

It leaves deeper painful thoughts.

I try to let this one go,

Filling the emptiness in me.

But then—

Silvano is gone.

I have to accept he is gone.

At twenty-two,

A car crash took him from us.

I can’t go back in time.

The pain,

The flashes of tragedy—

Unimaginable.

We miss you.

I miss you.

I will try to move on,

Searching for solace,

Waiting for all of your goodbyes,

Waiting for peace and assurance

That you’re all okay,

Wherever you are.

We are missing you.

All of you.

By Guillit A.