Ushirikiano Panda (UP)

Ushirikiano Panda’s mission is to create safe spaces and increase the well-being of intersex and transgender (IT) people in Kenya. The group is led by IT people themselves, and strives to develop a country in which all citizens are free to determine and express their own gender.

Intersex people are people who have been born with ambiguous genitals, hormonal composition or secondary sex characteristics. They do not fit neatly into the biological categories of “male” or “female”.

Transgender people are those whose gender identity does not match up to their sex. Some transgender people choose to transition, making their biological body fit their gender identity. Others do not.


The goals of UP are:

• To build community among IT people and provide safe spaces for IT people to discuss their issues, and develop self-awareness and self-confidence.
• To provide professional counselling services for IT people dealing with trauma and/or mental illness, and their families.
• To increase awareness and understanding of IT people, both within the LGBTI community and in larger society.
• To develop knowledge of the socio-economic and political situation of IT people in Kenya, including the health and medical needs of IT people.
• To change discriminatory policies in order to end prejudice against IT people.

email; ushirikiano.panda@gmail.com

LONELY

Why I feel lonely so terribly lonely, how gladly I would

run away from this, this aching void

This painful longing to reach out and touch someone and be

touched. I know that I have to face this moments that others

cannot fill my cup to the brim.

But it’s painful at times really frightening. There are days

when I feel utterly lonely and nights which I dread facing alone.

I distract myself with work, I seek contact, I try for attention.

I force myself to put on a brave smile but the pain remains.

The empty hours drawn on me followed by more silent hours,

my heart is thirsty.

I feel like a barren waste land, giving nothing getting nothing

meaning nothing to anyone.

Help me through the desert, for I do not see the way. I have

dragged myself to mirage after mirage and felt cheated each

time. And yet find myself rushing to the next false oasis.

Help me to look into myself, show m what I need and

how to find it.

Show me where you’re hiding and wait for me and

that will be enough for me. I will not wander

far, hungry and thirsty while you offer me

good food and drink in plenty

You have made me so great, too great for this world

too deep to be filled by trifle.

Fill my lonely heart as you alone can speak to my heart

in words you alone can utter, I wait before you in silence

Here is my little bowl battered and empty, fill it to the

brim as you alone can fill it overflowing.

If this pain, this emptiness has shown me the way to

you, when I feel lonely

We did not weep for the thing that was

once a child

Did not weep for the thing that had been a

child

Did not weep for the thing that had been nor for

the deep dark silences

That ate of the so-young flesh, but we wept

at the sight of two men standing alone flat

on the sky, alone, shoveling earth as a blanket to

keep the young blood down.

For we saw ourselves in the dark warm mother-blanket

Saw ourselves for the first time dead and alone.

We did not weep for the thing – weep for the thing

We did not weep for the thing that was once a child

KINGS WO-MEN

King of wo-men

Wearing the confidence look,

Shinning and glowing in a,

Man's polluted world of patriarchy,

I'm a strong black wo-man

Marking my space

The essence of black woman,,

Tracing my footsteps,

The Lesbian wo-man in me,

Not measured by muscles,

The strength and will to go on

Fighting for a space,

Overcoming obstacles

Challenging the wo-man hood

Enduring the humiliation,

Engraved in my heart.

Embracing the changes in life,

A queen in my heart,

A king to Nations,

A good mother and mentor,

Defender of my Nation.

Fighter of my People,

Soldier to the world,

Inspiration to the youths,

Afraid of nothing,

Ready to make mistakes.

A pilot, driver of Nations,

In rough and rocky roads,

Color blind to hate,

A King to wo-men

Measured by my will.

Girl Child

Look at me, what do you see,

A girl, a girl denied every opportunity,

            I can grasp to,

Education is out of the question,

            Why? Coz I’m already ripe,

Ripe enough to be married,

            That’s what they say,

Who thinks I’m ready for marriage,

            I’m not ready to be a mother!

                        Let alone a wife,

            A wife to some old baggage guy,

Who has children my age, schooling

            I’m thought of only possession,

I am nobody’s possession,

            As human as you are,

I’m human too with rights,

            Right to go school,

                        Enjoy my childhood,

And learn from my own mistakes,

            As I grow up to face,

The unpredictable world we live in,

            Girl child that’s me,

Let me grow, Learn and

            Grasp what life has to offer,

For me.

HOPE

Hope I will see the day

No more God’s creations

Is suffering in turmoil

No more starvation, killing

Raping, self made bombs

Children will be children & play

Hope humanity will prevail

The Love for free given

From our Creator, God alone

Hope I will see my grandfathers

Grandmother chatting, laughing

Playing with their grandchildren

I have hope I will see sweet

Smiley babies cherish and edges

Smile babies God loved you more

I miss you so it hurts

I saw hope in your eyes

God gave you the best good hope

Hope I will Love again

And be loved unconditionally

Be next to my past

Loved ones who are gone

I miss you, hope you miss me too

Am waiting to join you

Living with hope to see you

Smile, giggle and be cheeky

Hope, is knowing I will live

To see the new tomorrow

Tell my loved ones

I Love them all Hoping

For our Love will conquer

All bad mystery of the earth

For tomorrow to be brighter

Shiny and promising day

PAN-AFRICANIS(MEN)

Being a Pan-Africanist means building solidarity among diversity of people across Africa regardless of nationality, race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation and gender. This does not mean you have to be an academic to become a Pan-Africanist; academia is used to enhance and polish one’s skills, knowledge when advocating to a larger crowd. The 3rd Julius Nyerere Intellectuals Festival Week on 12^th April in the University of Dar res Salaam was my first time to attend the festival and to be enlightened on Nyerere and Nkrumah’s theories by bringing back to life the “Pan-Africanism” in Africa, specifically East Africa. I had a chance to engage with very powerful intellectuals and some of the students at the university.

At the festival, I saw that patriarchy and other forms of oppression such as classism and heterosexism still exist within Pan-Africanism. Academia and the use of the English language are being used as a way to dominate the Tanzanian people, and women and lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people are still marginalized.

Academia

The theories and ideologies of Pan-Africanism can be found in the papers and discussions of intellectuals. The theories work perfectly, but the non-intellectual, illiterate youths and grassroots people are still glued to traditional practices and using religion in decision making. Those from the deep rural areas in Tanzania do not have time to learn theories, and if they did, who would teach them?

The people receiving the theories are educated but the majority that needs them are mostly uneducated, living in rural places. Academics have lost touch with human kind, living in their own cocoons of theories while the common African dreams of better days where our leaders will be human again. No commoner should have to die for lack basic needs, discrimination or injustices done under another human’s orders. Just because you don’t have an education, doesn’t mean that someone else should treat you like less of a human. For Pan-Africanism to succeed, it has to start from the home, not just in learning institutions.

Language Barriers

Language was the dominant key at the festival, which was held in Nkrumah Hall at the biggest historical University in East Africa. The hall was never full, not a single day. The Dar es Salaam students had classes to attend during this big event; but surely they would have squeezed in time to attend. During one of the Health breaks, I came to understand reasons behind Nkrumah Hall’s unfilled gaps in attendance of the students.

Despite the historical occasion, a lot of students had difficulty in grasping the language used at the sessions (English), with Swahili being the National language. English was used by the dignitaries, intellectuals and academicians attending the event, thus forgetting that the youth was their target for the implementation of the theories created by the intellectuals.

The language barrier left most of the Dar res Salaam students in a confused state. The intellectuals kept emphasizing “you”, the youth, to bring back the Pan-Africanism fire to life, like when Nairobi town in Kenya comes alive at night. The intellectuals need to come out of their safe spaces with the theories, and work together in solidarity with the youth in a practical way. They should not leave students in rural areas to disseminate the Pan-Africanist theories and spirit of unity in Africa without the necessary mentorship.

Tanzania needs to begin teaching English at an earlier age, or Africa should emphasize the use of Swahili as an “African” National language for the purpose of integrating socially and business wise. This would make it easier for Pan-Africanism to be accepted across the Africa continent smoothly in 100 years to come.

Marginalization of Women and LGBTI

As the Nyerere festival gained momentum, I anxiously awaited the interactive dialogue on “Silence on Women freedom fighters” in the case of the East African Women. I thought that women had a space to air out their non-existence in such historical moments but the books displayed at book stands seemed to be mostly patriarchy related. In my belief, the women’s voices will air the secrets and strategies behind Nyerere’s success and “powerful” men and, this will bruise the men’s ego and dominance. Family is very essential to everyone, and the East African traditional society is led by patriarchal rule, when the man speaks the woman listens, supports and gives opinion which is rarely listened to.

In the session, women were the majority and in front spaces, while you would spot two or three male intellectuals at the far back seats. I spotted a few of these “intellectuals” napping. My theory was proved: it’s not the number of PhDs or doctrines one holds will change the patriarchal traditional man – they still practice patriarchal dominating habits. It’s an injustice to pretend to be sensitive to women airing the issues that hinder the growth of Pan-Africanism, while napping during the session. Will solidarity occur without women? What role do the intellectuals and academics expect the women to play when they are not recognized at such historic, events even the women PhD holders? It seems it will always be his-story rather than her-story…!

I was ignited by another silence and ignorance played out at the festival that is within our African continent: the marginalization of the LGBTI communities. If the intellectuals do not recognize nor understand same-sex relations, how will the grassroots community do so? The university is a place where you meet diverse people, understand different cultures and broaden your mind. How do you educate a person holding a PhD or Masters degree on why the same-sex relations exist! That is partly ignorance and disgrace to the degree holders showing the face of patriarchy and traditional beliefs.

For the seeds of Pan-Africanism theory to flower, sexual minorities have their role to play in the uprising. But discrimination, extortion, raping and killings of the LGBTI community continues all over Africa. Who wants to participate in an Africa that excels in eliminating and discriminating against its own children? The LGBTI are also people, and they belong in the movement building Pan-Africanism throughout Africa.

Reflections on Pan-Africanism

Fifty years down the line, I have not witnessed the fruits of Pan-Africanism. Though intellectuals the likes of Prof. Issa Shirji and Bereket Selassie reflected on Mwalimu Nyerere’s selflessness, still there are loopholes in Nyerere’s struggle to solidarity. Despite the presentation on Nyerere’s selflessness, in the bus on my way home to Kenya from the festival, some passengers were discussing Tanzania and Nyerere’s effects on Pan-Africanism.

The most acknowledged, appreciated and proud accomplishments that still remain in the minds of the Tanzanians is that Mwalimu Nyerere cut his salary by 10%. On the other hand, President Kikwete has increased his own by 10% and sold half of the Tanzanian land to foreign investors. These investors mostly employ foreigners from neighbouring English speaking countries, not Tanzanians.

Who is fooling who in the implementing of the Pan-Africanism? For Nyerere and Nkurumah’s vision to shine, the very young generation – primary and high school youths -- need to be consciously challenged on building a united Africa one brick at a time. The schools need to add curricular subjects on the history of Africa’s struggle and unity before colonization, and cease the material focussing on the West in our education system. In the Kenyan curriculum, we learn more about Westerners than our own leaders and heroes.

We need to embrace change, not by eliminating what we do not desire or what we’re used to. Without change the world will be still. Africa would still be where it was a billion years ago in stagnant waters moving with the ancestors’ wishes, coined in our elders’ selfish desires. We want Pan-Africanism instead of Nationalism. This will be a major change in the African context, yet we have not applied strong strategies to attain our desired goals, which will only be achieved with removal of discrimination and marginalization.

This includes NO focus on race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, education background or gender. Pan-Africanism is about togetherness, solidarity of the people for one common greater goal. At the festival in a morning session, a student from Yield University in United States studing Pan-Africanism was denied an opportunity to participate in a debate called “Bunge la vijana”. This was a younger generation debate on “Nationalism vs. Pan-Africanism”. The main purpose of his invitation to the festival was to participate in this debate, but then he was denied the opportunity.

He was to share views on how the United States views Pan-Africanism, but the organizers declined his presentation because he is white. Though I think the topic of his presentation is not relevant, the fact is that he took his time to come to Tanzania, and he is studying Pan-Africanism. This was a clear case of discrimination. Not to place the entire fault on the organizers; the fellows who were participating in the debate are to blame too, considering they did not object when he was excluded from the panel of debaters.

Is Pan-Africanism for black people alone? Who and what qualifies one to be a Pan-Africanist? Is it the skin pigment, your country of birth, or sexual orientation? We crave Pan-Africanism yet we are choosing who fits the plate to be a Pan-Africanist. Like a saying in Swahili says, “maskini jeuri”, which means “poor arrogant person.” We are all poor and arrogant, yet we are all after one goal: united Africa. We cannot afford to be choosy about who we want to support our cause. It shows a billion miles we have to trek to attain solidarity.

Excluding women from history books and historical moments and second guessing the youth not to be part of the revolution, we are creating setbacks. By sidelining and criminalizing the LGBTI community for their sexual orientation, marginalizing the minority communities and disabled because of a lack of understanding their histories and abilities, Pan-Africanists guarantee that their goals will never become reality. Intellectuals exchange ideas with academics on their theories and ideologies that never reach practicality.

How and what will Pan-Africanism give the youth if solidarity is accomplished in 100 years to come? We learn to crawl before we walk. We can’t run away from ourselves any longer, the struggle is real and here. Martin Luther King said he had a dream…so do I. In 100 years to come, if we educate our youth to understand true Pan-Africanism, with guidance, monitoring and good mentorship, then Pan-Africanism will be seen.

Cesar Chavez said, “Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore.” And I say, “Salute to the spirit of the struggle.”

PLASTIC LIFE

Damn! Sharp light wakes me

Please, please don’t let it be morning

I can’t endure another assault

My brains signals my lips

Smile it’s a new day, wait for

Super glued eyes staring questions

The mystery in my dress-code

My plastic secret life

Every day is a recycled dress-code

Like recycled plastic bottles

Melting from the heat emanating

From the super glued street eyes

Confused by my swagger

The mystery in my dress-code

My plastic secret life

How do I make it through

The next day? You asked

With street eyes, expectations

Forcing me to my gender dress-code

Living my plastic recycled nomad life

The mystery in my dress-code

My plastic secret life

Am a unique plastic

The kind you like but

Afraid to talk to

Desire to feel and touch

Taste its delicate yet sweet contents

A plastic with a life

The mystery in my dress-code

My plastic secret life

The contents are the running blood in my veins

The fizz is the air that leaves me

Every time the lid opens

Strangers cursing words

Plastics lives have been raped, tortured and murdered

Squashed in threats and discrimination

Melted through series of suicides

Left lying around discarded

The mystery in my dress-code

My plastic secret life

By Guillit